Communicating with your parents can be tricky at times. Even if you have a close relationship, there are certain phrases and topics that are better left unsaid. Avoiding these nine things can help you maintain a healthy relationship and a solid connection with your parents.
1. “You Don’t Understand Me”
Telling your parents they don’t understand you can come off as dismissive. Even if you feel like you’re being misunderstood, many parents probably feel like they’ve been through similar experiences as to what you’re going through. This statement can make them feel alienated and hurt. Rather than saying this, try to explain your point of view and have an open conversation.
2. “I Wish I Had Different Parents”
This is something many children might say to their parents when they are younger, but it can have a lasting impact on your relationship. No matter how frustrated you are in the moment, you should never say this. If you are going through something difficult, try to express your feelings in a more constructive way instead of just trying to hurt their feelings.
3. “You Ruined My Life”
“You ruined my life” is another extremely damaging statement. This might be a reflexive utterance during a stressful time, but it can be really hurtful. Oftentimes, it’s also unfair to pin everything on your parents, especially if they were doing the best they could. Every parent makes mistakes. So, rather than trying to place blame on them, try to give them ideas on how they can better support you.
4. “Why Can’t You Be Like Other Parents?”
Comparing your parents to others will make them feel like they aren’t good enough. It’s hurtful because it can create a sense of inadequacy. Every family and every set of parents operates in a different manner. Your parents have their own strengths and weaknesses. If you find you need more support from them in certain areas, communicate with them instead of shaming them.
5. “It’s My Life, Not Yours”
Your life decisions are your own, but saying this to your parents can make them feel like you are dismissing their concerns. Most of the time, your parents have your best interests at heart. Saying this will make them feel like you don’t value their input. Take time to listen to their advice, even if you don’t agree with it. This will show them that you respect them and it can also provide you with valuable insights that could potentially benefit you in the long run.
6. “You’re Overreacting”
There won’t be a moment in your life when your parents aren’t concerned about you. Dismissing their concerns as overreactions can lead to arguments and sour feelings. Rather than saying this, try to express your point of view while showing empathy for their concerns. Maintaining open communication can go a long way in fostering mutual respect and understanding.
7. “I Don’t Need Your Help”
Turning down help from your parents isn’t necessarily wrong, but how you tell them can make a huge difference. This phrase can make them feel unneeded and unvalued. They simply want to be there for you. If you want to handle something on your own, that’s fine. But you need to find a way to explain it in a kind way. Thank them for offering and tell them way you’d like to proceed on your own.
8. “You Always/Never Do This”
Absolutes like “always” or “never” can feel like you are judging your parents. They are also likely exaggerations. Instead, you should focus on specific actions or behaviors that bother you. This makes communication more clear and helps you avoid making them feel like they are being attached.
9. “You Don’t Respect My Privacy”
Privacy and boundaries are important in any relationship. However, accusing your parents of disrespect can increase tension. Sometimes your parents might overstep without even realizing it. So, try to set clear boundaries and be respectful. This will help you establish a dialogue about privacy without offending them. Healthy communication on this topic can lead to a stronger foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Words Matter in Family Relationships
The words you choose really matter when you are speaking to your parents and other people in your family. Be mindful of what you say. Be patient and respectful. Doing so can help you create a more positive dynamic with your parents.