It’s almost Thanksgiving and every year we sit around the table with family and friends that may have differing viewpoints. The conversations often grow tense and heated. Especially after an election cycle, it may seem like there is more that separates us than unites us. Topics that are important to us like politics and religion can feel like targeted attacks by others. Here are 10 ways to help you get along with people you just can’t agree with.
1. Try to Actively Listen
Sometimes when we get our guard up, we don’t actively listen to what the other person is saying. Too often we listen to respond instead. Instead, work on showing that you’re actively listening by leaning forward slightly or using simple gestures. If the person you don’t agree with sees that you’re making an effort to understand, you may actually have a meaningful conversation.
2. Search for Common Ground
Even if you can’t fundamentally agree on some issues, you may find that there still is common ground between you. When we look for things we can agree on, it takes out some of the hostility. Finding common ground means checking your assumptions about the other person’s beliefs. You should try and be curious and ask questions. You may find you have more in common than you think.
3. Keep Your Cool
Losing your temper won’t help you get along with others. Instead, it will only add fuel to the fire. If you feel yourself losing your cool, step away for a minute and compose yourself. Focus on your breathing for a moment to regulate yourself. This way you won’t start an argument.
4. Appreciate The Value of Diverse Opinions
We all have unique experiences that shape our worldview. Everyone brings these experiences to the table. Perhaps, we can learn something from each other. After all, the very fiber of America was built on diverse ideas. You don’t have to agree with these opinions, but you can seek to understand.
5. Don’t Use Escalation Tactics
When we feel cornered during a difficult conversation, we often escalate the situation and it becomes a full blown argument. Try and avoid bringing other people into the conversation to gang up on a person with different opinions. Also, watch your body language. Defensive body language like crossing your arms signals that you are closing yourself off.
6. See The Humanity in Each Other
If the person you disagree with is a family or friend, try and remember your relationship with them. While it may be hard to accept that they have very different views from your own, it doesn’t have to define your relationship. Even with neighbors or acquaintances, it’s important to recognize that there is much we have in common. By seeing the humanity in each other we can get along with people we don’t agree with.
7. Present Evidence to Back Up Your Points
If you are having a healthy discussion about a controversial topic, make sure that you can back up your points. Having an intelligent conversation, backed by facts is the first step in trying to understand each other’s points. With any good debate, don’t be defensive. But it’s okay to get your point across to the other person in a respectful way.
8. Try and Find Humor
Laughter is the best medicine. If a conversation is getting too stressful, it may be time to try and find humor in the topic. A good laugh can lighten the mood and get you back on better terms. You might feel more connected to the other person if you can share a joke or two.
9. Keep an Open Mind
Keeping an open mind is essential to getting along with people you don’t agree with. No one person is right about everything. We should strive to keep learning and developing our opinions. You might not change each other’s minds if you have different opinions, but you may take something valuable away from the conversation.
10. Know When to Let It Go
If the conversation is going nowhere, know when to let it go. Talking in circles or starting a fight isn’t worth it. Tough conversations can be very uncomfortable, if you’ve had enough that’s okay too. Sometimes we have to prioritize ourselves.
Agreeing to Disagree
Agreeing to disagree is hard to do with people you don’t agree with. But sometimes you have to just agree that you won’t see eye-to-eye. As long as you can interact with each other respectfully and honor each other’s boundaries, you can learn to get along. How do you communication with people you don’t agree with in a healthy way?